5 Questions to Ask Before Choosing a Queer Counselor in Denver
Finding a queer counselor in Denver can feel strangely complicated. You might open up Psychology Today, search “queer therapist Denver,” and suddenly be met with a grid of profile pictures and a blur of similar-sounding descriptions. Everyone seems “welcoming” and “inclusive,” but you’re left wondering: will this person actually understand me, or will I be explaining my identity and experiences from scratch in every session?
Therapy is vulnerable. You’re trusting someone with parts of yourself that you may not have shared with family, partners, or friends. It’s understandable to feel some anxiety about choosing the right person. Instead of closing your eyes and picking someone at random, you can use a few intentional questions to figure out whether a potential therapist is truly queer-affirming and a good fit for you.
“How do you describe your work with queer and LGBTQIA+ clients?”
This question helps you move past vague statements and into specifics. Many therapists say they are “open to everyone” or “supportive of all lifestyles.” While that might sound nice at first glance, it doesn’t actually tell you much about their experience with queer and trans clients.
When you ask this, listen to how they talk about queer and LGBTQIA+ people. Do they use the language you use for yourself? Do they sound comfortable with words like queer, trans, nonbinary, bisexual, pansexual, or asexual? Do they understand the particular kinds of stress that queer people in Denver might experience—things like coming out at work, navigating the local dating scene, or balancing chosen family with biological family who may or may not be affirming?
A therapist who is genuinely experienced with LGBTQIA+ clients will usually be able to name specific issues they’ve worked with: religious trauma from conservative churches, navigating polyamorous relationships, healing from family rejection, experiences of discrimination, or the emotional toll of being misgendered or misunderstood. They may also talk about queer joy, resilience, creativity, and community support instead of only focusing on pain.
If the answer you get is very general, or if they seem uncomfortable talking about queer and trans topics, that’s important information. You deserve someone who can meet you where you are without you having to educate them from the ground up.
“What does queer-affirming counseling actually look like in your sessions?”
It’s one thing for a therapist to call themselves affirming; it’s another thing to understand how that plays out moment-to-moment in the room with you. Asking this question invites them to describe the concrete ways they show up for queer and trans clients.
Some therapists will talk about using your name and pronouns consistently and checking in if they ever feel unsure, instead of avoiding the topic or making assumptions. They might mention exploring how your identities intersect with your mental health, relationships, work life, and family dynamics, rather than treating your queerness as a separate “issue.”
You can also notice whether they speak about your identity as neutral-to-positive, rather than something that automatically signals trauma or pathology. A truly affirming therapist doesn’t see queer or trans identities as a problem to be fixed. They understand that your struggles may come from living in a world that isn’t always safe or supportive, not from who you are.
When a therapist can describe clear examples of what affirming care looks like—like not assuming heterosexual or cisgender norms when talking about sex or relationships, or remembering details about your pronouns and partners without you having to remind them constantly—it can help you imagine yourself in their office, feeling seen and respected for your whole self.
“How do you handle it if you mess up—like misgendering me?”
Even the most careful and affirming therapists are still human. They may occasionally stumble over a pronoun or misunderstand something important. The question isn’t whether mistakes will ever happen; it’s how they respond if and when they do.
Asking about this ahead of time gives you a window into their humility and ability to repair. A therapist who is able to say something like, “If I mess up, I will own it, apologize, correct myself, and check in with you about how it landed. You never have to protect my feelings or pretend it didn’t bother you” is usually someone who understands the power dynamics at play in the therapy relationship.
On the other hand, if a therapist responds by getting defensive, downplaying the importance of pronouns, or focusing heavily on how they would feel if they made a mistake, that may be a sign that they could center their own experience over yours in moments that matter. You deserve a therapist who can remember that your sense of safety comes first.
Knowing in advance that your therapist is open to feedback and willing to repair can make it easier for you to relax into the work. It reassures you that you won’t have to carry the burden of minimizing your hurt or pretending you’re okay when you’re not.
“Do you have lived experience or specialized training around LGBTQIA+ issues?”
Some clients feel most comfortable with a therapist who is also queer or trans. Others are open to working with a cisgender, straight therapist as long as that person is deeply committed to ongoing learning and allyship. There is no one right answer; what matters is what helps you feel safest and most understood.
When you ask this question, you’re not demanding your therapist disclose all their identities. Instead, you’re giving them an opportunity to talk about what has specifically prepared them to work with LGBTQIA+ clients. They might share that they themselves are queer or trans, that they’ve worked in LGBTQIA+ community organizations, or that they’ve pursued extensive training in queer and trans mental health beyond a single workshop.
You can also pay attention to whether LGBTQIA+ topics appear naturally throughout their website or whether they feel like an afterthought. Do they mention queer and trans clients in the same breath as other parts of their practice, or is it tucked away in a single sentence at the bottom of a page?
You’re allowed to look for someone who feels like they “get it” not just because they are kind, but because they have put intentional time and effort into understanding the communities you belong to.
“Do you offer online counseling for queer adults in Colorado?”
Access and logistics matter. You might be in Denver proper, on the outskirts, or in another part of Colorado entirely. Even if you live close to your therapist’s office, there may be days when the thought of driving across town, finding parking, and walking into a new building feels like too much.
Asking about online counseling lets you know whether you’ll have options when life gets busy, your mental health dips, or the weather decides to be unpredictable. Many queer adults find that being able to attend therapy from their own space allows them to show up more authentically. You can bring your pets, your weighted blanket, your favorite mug of tea, and any grounding tools you need without worrying about what anyone else in the waiting room thinks.
As a queer counselor in Denver, I offer online therapy for LGBTQIA+ adults anywhere in Colorado. For some people, that means consistent weekly sessions from the same cozy chair at home. For others, it means a flexible combination of video and in-person work. The point is that your ability to get support shouldn’t depend on your energy level that day or whether you’re up for dealing with traffic.
Giving yourself permission to be choosy
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the process of finding a queer counselor in Denver, you’re not alone. Many people worry about being “too picky” or “too much work” when they ask questions or advocate for what they need. It’s okay to take your time, to talk to more than one therapist, and to notice your body’s signals about who feels safe and who doesn’t.
You’re allowed to want more than a therapist who tolerates your identity. You’re allowed to want someone who celebrates it, understands its complexity, and knows that your queerness is intertwined with many other parts of your story.
If you’d like to see how it feels to talk with a queer-affirming therapist in Denver who works online across Colorado, you’re welcome to reach out for a free consultation. We can spend a few minutes together, answer your questions, and give you a better sense of whether working together feels like a good fit for you—no pressure, no performance, just a chance to see if you feel genuinely met.