Is EMDR Therapy Right for You? Questions to Ask Yourself (From a Denver Trauma Therapist)

You’ve probably seen EMDR mentioned enough times that it’s on your radar, even if you’re not totally sure what it is. Maybe a previous therapist suggested it. Maybe a friend swears it changed their life. Maybe TikTok convinced you that “everyone” is doing EMDR now and you’re wondering if you’re missing something.

At the same time, you might feel hesitant. EMDR sounds intense. It involves focusing on painful experiences and letting your brain do something with them that isn’t just talking. If you’re already carrying a lot, you might be worried that opening things up could make you feel worse, not better.

If you’re a queer or neurodivergent adult in Denver or elsewhere in Colorado, there may be extra layers of concern. You might wonder whether EMDR is safe for you. You might worry that a therapist will overlook how your identities and nervous system actually work. You might have had experiences in therapy before where you felt misunderstood or pushed too fast.

This post isn’t here to sell you on EMDR as a magical solution. It’s here to slow things down and help you ask, in a grounded way: Is EMDR therapy a good fit for me, right now, with this therapist?

Before we dive into questions, it may help to have a brief, very human explanation of what EMDR is.

A quick, down-to-earth explanation of EMDR

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. In practice, that means we work with memories, patterns, or experiences that still feel “too close,” using a structured process and something called bilateral stimulation. That stimulation can be back-and-forth eye movements, gentle tapping, or alternating sounds. The goal is to help your brain and body digest what has been stuck, so it doesn’t keep crashing into your present.

You don’t forget what happened. EMDR doesn’t erase your history. Instead, the emotional charge and physical reaction attached to certain memories usually softens. Over time, what once felt like an open wound can feel more like a scar—still part of your story, but not constantly re-injuring you.

With that in mind, here are some questions you might ask yourself if you’re considering EMDR therapy in Denver or anywhere in Colorado.

Question 1: Do I feel stuck in patterns I can’t think my way out of?

Many people come to EMDR after years of very thoughtful self-reflection. You might have read books, listened to podcasts, had good insights in talk therapy, and intellectually understood why you struggle the way you do. And yet, in certain situations, it feels like your body didn’t get the memo.

You may notice that, despite your best intentions, you keep reacting in the same ways. Maybe you shut down or panic in conflict, even though you know the person in front of you isn’t your parent or an ex. Maybe your stomach drops whenever someone raises their voice, even if it’s not directed at you. Maybe a certain kind of touch, smell, or tone of voice sends you instantly into fight, flight, or freeze.

If you’ve tried to reason with these reactions—telling yourself “I’m safe,” “This is different now,” “I shouldn’t feel this way”—and it hasn’t really helped, that’s not a failure on your part. It’s a sign that your nervous system is holding onto something that lives deeper than your thoughts.

EMDR can be a good fit if you feel like you have plenty of insight but not enough change. It doesn’t replace understanding, but it moves beyond it, inviting your body to participate in the healing process.

You might ask yourself:
Where in my life do I feel like I’m repeating the same painful pattern, even though I know better and genuinely want to do something different?

If specific moments or themes immediately come to mind, EMDR could be one option to explore.

Question 2: Do certain memories or experiences still feel “too close” in my body?

There are some things you can talk about that feel solidly in the past, even if they were hard. Then there are experiences that don’t feel fully over, even if they happened years ago. You might notice that when you think of them, your chest tightens, your breathing changes, or your mind goes foggy. It’s as if your body is saying, “We are back there again.”

These memories aren’t always dramatic or obvious from the outside. They might include:

• An emotionally intense breakup or friendship ending

• Growing up with emotionally immature parents who shut you down or leaned on you too heavily

• Queer or trans-related experiences—coming out, being outed, rejection from family or community, religious trauma

• Times when you felt profoundly embarrassed, humiliated, or unsafe in front of others

• Accidents, medical procedures, or times when you felt physically at risk

If you’re neurodivergent, some of your “too close” experiences might be sensory or social: a meltdown where you were shamed, a classroom where you constantly felt wrong, a workplace where masking was required just to get through the day.

You can ask yourself:
When I think about certain moments in my life, does my body react as if they’re happening right now? Do I avoid reminders because they feel like too much?

EMDR is designed for exactly this kind of unfinished experience. It gives your system a chance to complete a process that got stuck.

Question 3: Do I want something more experiential than just talking?

Traditional talk therapy can be powerful. For many people, it’s the first time they’ve been able to say the truth out loud and have it heard. It can be life-changing to unpack your story, see patterns, and name things you never had words for before.

And sometimes, after a certain point, talking about the same thing over and over can start to feel like circling. You might leave sessions thinking, “I get it, but I don’t feel different.” Or you might feel like you’re reactivating old pain without a clear sense of movement.

If you’re craving a more experiential approach—something that engages not just your thoughts, but your senses, emotions, and body—EMDR might be appealing. The structure of EMDR gives us a framework for working with specific targets, while still leaving room for your unique way of processing.

In an EMDR session, we don’t just analyze why something is hard. We invite your mind and body to move through it with support, in small pieces, staying connected to the present. It can feel strange at first, especially if you’re used to staying in your head. But for many people, it opens up a sense of possibility that pure talk therapy hadn’t quite reached.

You might reflect:
When I imagine therapy that is not only about talking, but also about gently engaging my nervous system, does that feel intriguing, scary, or both?

Both is a valid answer. Curiosity plus a bit of fear is often where meaningful change begins.

Question 4: Am I in a place where I can tolerate some emotional work, with support?

EMDR is not about re-traumatizing you or throwing you into the deep end of your worst memories. A good EMDR therapist will spend time helping you build resources first—things like grounding strategies, safe places, and ways to notice when you’re getting overwhelmed. You won’t be asked to dive into the hardest material before you have a sense of safety in the room and tools to help you come back to yourself.

That said, EMDR does involve touching into difficult feelings at times. You might cry, feel waves of sadness or anger, or notice physical sensations you’ve been avoiding. Sessions can be tiring. Sometimes you leave feeling lighter; other times you might need extra gentleness and rest afterward.

Because of this, part of deciding whether EMDR is right for you right now is looking honestly at your current level of stability. Are you in immediate crisis—actively using substances to cope, in a highly unsafe environment, or constantly in survival mode? If so, it may be better to focus first on stabilization, safety, and support. EMDR can come later, when your system has more capacity.

Being ready for EMDR doesn’t mean having everything in your life perfectly together. It means having at least a small island of safety—internal or external—that we can work from. That might be a supportive relationship, a bit of predictability in your schedule, or even just a growing sense that you’re allowed to prioritize your healing.

You might ask:
Do I have enough support and enough internal footing that, with a therapist, I could tolerate feeling some difficult things in service of long-term relief?

If the answer is “I think so, but I’m scared,” that’s something you and your therapist can talk through together. If the answer is a clear “not yet,” we can respect that and focus on getting you more resourced first.

Question 5: Do I feel like I could trust this therapist enough to try?

EMDR is not something that happens in a vacuum. It happens inside a relationship. You could have the most beautifully designed protocol in the world, but if you don’t feel basically safe with the person guiding you through it, it’s unlikely to feel healing.

Trust doesn’t mean you never feel nervous, or that you’re instantly comfortable sharing everything. It does mean that, over time, you get the sense that your therapist listens, respects your pace, and takes your feedback seriously. It means you feel you can say, “That feels like too much,” or, “Can we slow down?” and have that actually matter.

If you’re queer, trans, and/or neurodivergent, trust also includes feeling like you don’t have to educate your therapist about your basic existence. You deserve someone who understands that your identities are not side notes, but central parts of your life story and your experience of trauma. You deserve adjustments for your brain and body—whether that’s more structure, more flexibility, sensory considerations, or different ways of checking in.

When you’re thinking about EMDR, you’re not just asking, “Is EMDR right for me?” You’re also asking, “Is EMDR with this specific therapist, in this specific relationship, right for me?”

You might consider:
When I imagine sitting with this person and doing deeper work, do I feel at least a little more settled, or does my body tense up? Do I feel seen in my identities and needs?

Those signals matter. They’re part of your decision-making process.

What your next step might look like

You do not have to answer all these questions perfectly before reaching out. In fact, part of the reason to connect with a therapist is so you don’t have to figure it all out in your own head.

If several of these reflections resonated with you—if you feel stuck in old patterns, haunted by “too close” memories, curious about a more experiential approach, and at least somewhat resourced—it might be worth exploring EMDR further.

That can start with something simple: sending an email or filling out a contact form. You don’t need to write an essay. You might say, “I’m interested in EMDR therapy in Denver, but I’m not sure if it’s right for me. Could we talk about it?” That’s enough.

In a consultation, we can talk about what you’ve been going through, what you hope might change, and any fears you have about EMDR. I’ll share how I structure EMDR with clients—especially queer and neurodivergent adults—and we can decide together whether it feels like a good next step, or whether it makes more sense to start with other forms of support.

You are not behind for taking your time with this decision. You’re not weak for feeling cautious. Your hesitations are welcome in the room with us. If and when you choose EMDR, it will be because you—and your body—are ready enough to try, not because you’ve been talked into it.

If you’re in Denver or anywhere in Colorado and you’re wondering whether EMDR could be part of your healing, you’re invited to reach out. We’ll move slowly, at your pace, and we’ll keep checking in with the most important expert in the room: you.